Waltz Wash
by Autumn L
Summary: Movie'07. Silly fluff. It's bath time for Ironhide after a muddy mission and he's up against a very determined Chromia with a fire hose. He'll try to dance his way out of it! Who will win? Who will lose? Will either of them be clean when it's over?


_Authors' Note: Written for the 28 Fics Meme, "Bath Time" and "Dancing" '07 Ironhide involving a very determined Chromia with a fire hose as requested by Newsy. _

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**Waltz Wash**

Chromia was accustomed to adverse battle conditions, but even the acid bogs of Glauteraine II did not compare to the organic swamps of Earth. She could feel the sludge hardening onto the inner workings of her legs and there was an unpleasant sensation of a rotting -- and crumbling -- tree limb somewhere in her back mechanics. Normally she wouldn't let it bother her, but now that she had spare time instead of diving into another battle, she was irately aware of it. She patted her backside, hoping enough movement would jar the branch loose.

She glanced over at Ironhide and Huffer, similarly covered in muck but chatting away as if everything was fine. Again, normally it wouldn't be an issue, yet as she sniffed the odor of organic decay caused a strange reflex from her intakes. She tapped her throat, frowning. Then she looked around the junkyard for a solution.

A faucet was mounted on the side of the main garage, a human-sized apparatus that was part of the disguise although from the scent of chlorinated hydrogen hydroxide, Chromia knew it was operational. She carefully picked up the nozzle of the re-enforced hose attached to the faucet and turned the water on until the pressure made the water pound divots in the dirt. She put her left leg forward and pointed the nozzle into her lower leg casement. After a few seconds the sludge softened and slid out from under her armor.

Chromia grinned and cleaned her other leg then attempted to use the water pressure to dislodge the tree branch. She succeeded in jamming it further between two armor plates. She grunted and gave up on it, pulling more of the hose from the bracket on the wall before turning the water on Huffer and Ironhide.

"Hey!" they both yelped. Chromia grinned again and advanced on Huffer, since he was the closest, power washing the mud off of him. He grumbled and wiped at the sludge.

"Thanks. That _could_ have waited, you know." Huffer flicked the last of the mud off his hands and hurried away, muttering. Chromia turned to Ironhide.

"Oh, no, you don't! I can take care of myself, _later!"_

"Afraid of something?" She smirked, lowering the hose.

He scowled. "No. But as Huffer said, it can wait."

"Why? What if we were suddenly attacked and that mess clogged up your joints?"

Ironhide snorted. "It has not, and will not. I am not that antiquated!"

"Does that mean you should allow dirt and whatever else is unnaturally mixed in it to build up?"

"Why is it so important to do this immediately?" he shot back. "Since when have _you_ been so concerned?"

"Since I obtained a stick up my backside. Now get over here!" She directed the nozzle at him. He dodged. She charged at him but he evaded her again.

Ratchet happened to be on the upper level platform and meandered over to the guard post when he heard shouting below. Prime was on duty, standing calmly as he watched. Ratchet blinked. "What am I looking at?"

"I'm certain I don't know," Optimus replied, not taking his optics off the scene.

Out in the yard, Chromia clasped the hose into a loop and threw it over Ironhide. He caught it on the tip of his left cannon and slipped free. Chromia sprayed water in his face. He put both hands up to block it, shaking his head, sending droplets flying. He worked his way close enough to bat the nozzle out of her hands -- and was sprayed again as the hose flew wildly, driven by the water pressure. Ironhide shook his head again.

Chromia made a grab for the nozzle and then for Ironhide. She missed both and started to fall toward the increasing puddle of mud the ground had become. Ironhide caught her, pulling her upright against him. He smiled. "You see? A futile attempt." He swayed to the right, leading her into a turn. Her optics brightened in suspicion. A split second later he released her.

She fell on her back into the mud and felt the remaining piece of tree branch snap. "Ah, thank you. Let me return the favor!" She pushed herself up just as the hose sailed by. This time she caught it, and reeled the nozzle toward her hands. Ironhide ran. "Is it possible that I have discovered something that _frightens_ the mighty Ironhide?"

"The only thing frightening about it is _you!"_

Chromia stopped cold. "Did you...make a _joke?_ My, this _is_ a day for discoveries!" She ducked behind a pile of junk to sneak up on him, but he easily saw the hose being dragged along. He ran to where the rest of the hose lay and ever so carefully stepped on it, stopping the water flow. Chromia popped up to see what had happened. Ironhide smirked at her.

"Ah, a wise tactic. I should consider myself defeated." She sidled out from behind the junk, keeping hold of the hose's nozzle as she walked around him and took up some of the hose's slack from behind where he stood upon it. "Yet you should know I'm not so easily bested!" She yanked on the hose, which he had expected, so he merely adjusted his stance.

She dropped the nozzle to grab the closer section of hose between both hands and yanked again. This time he was knocked off his feet. Better still -- or rather, worse for him -- the nozzle end of the hose whipped around and became caught on his left foot. He rolled to the right as Chromia descended on him, reaching for his entangled foot to pull the hose free.

He kicked off of her arm, sliding backwards and away through the now pool-sized puddle of mud. Not appearing to notice that she was now just as dirty as before she started, Chromia charged after him. He twisted again, this time moving so as to gain his feet. He kept one hand on the ground, staying low. Optimus wondered if they were doing a tango of sorts or running battle maneuvers. _The two are likely synonymous to them,_ he mused.

Chromia lunged right and Ironhide shifted to her left. She smirked and feinted to the left but then dove right. He shifted backward. She tried to compensate but he suddenly dove forward, knocking her aside. He shifted his feet and hands to move beside her, then with a "Hup!" he stood upright and began to jog backward. Chromia looked around for the hose.

Ironhide spotted it first. Then he thought of something better and veered toward the garage. Chromia made a bid for the hose until she realized what he was going to do. She raced after him, trying to drench him on the way. He reached the faucet and turned off the water. "Ha."

"Hmph!" Chromia tossed aside the nozzle.

"Surrender?" Ironhide asked, fists on his hips.

"No." Chromia smiled slyly. "Merely making a strategic retreat until another opportunity arrives. Be careful where you next recharge ...I might find you."

**End**


End file.
